Every day I have to trust God. This was something God taught me through Ethan. Yes, I knew it before I had him. I needed him just as much each day before Ethan as after. But somehow, through this little tiny person, it became more real to me than ever before. And it continues to be real. I need God to help my baby sleep. I need Him to help me sleep. I need Him to help my baby nurse well and grow strong. I need Him to keep us healthy. But more than all those physical needs, I have to trust God because there is no where else to put my trust. No other way will make this work. I will certainly fail. I have failed in the past and I know I will fail again, because I am not perfect. My husband will fail, because he is not perfect. No one is perfect but God, and no one can help me do life expect the Lord. He is the only thing that will help me on days when I feel exhausted and overwhelmed. He is the only one who will help me have a good attitude when all I want to do is be angry at the world because my baby will not stop crying (even though really he has only been crying for 20 minutes, but in that tired moment it feels like a lifetime). Do you know why I am able to go to Him for help and rest in my time of need? Because through my deepest need - the need for salvation - the Lord met it at the Cross.
As we near Easter - Ethan's first Easter - I pray that not only will I daily remember my need for the Cross and what the Lord has done, but that one day my son will also recognize his own need for that salvation. That somehow through my small imperfect life my son will see Jesus, and his need for Him.
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