Who will be there when you come home? Who will help you take care of yourself and your child when you leave the hospital? Who will get up with you when you are so tired you are worried you may drop your baby from exhaustion? Who will pray with you when nursing gets hard and you want to make that bottle of formula? Who can you talk to if you get depressed in the weeks and month that follow? And who is your "back up" if something changes and someone isn't available?
These are all important questions that every pregnant women should consider. I wish I had spent more time considering these issues.
So the lesson? Have a support system (or support plan) in place for after the baby is born.
For me, the rock solid center of my plan was trusting in the Lord. Then everything else came after that and came in support of that. Steve was my primary support person, but he also needed support. When Ethan came quickly in the middle of the night our family was able to come for the weekend, but they had to go home and work some before coming to be at home with us for several days. The Lord provided much support from our church family. Without them I do not know how would have survived those early weeks. Steve needed to work, but I needed to rest. I lost a lot of blood with Ethan and I was nursing round the clock. I barely had enough strength to take a shower each day, much less cook or clean. I remember how accomplished I felt the first time I carried him down the stairs. I didn't do this for several days (maybe it was even weeks) for fear that I would drop him because I was just so weak. Once family was able to come they were also a huge help. Through cooking, cleaning, or just taking care of Ethan, they were essential for those first weeks and months.
If your family is near by and came be there for you then that's great. But if not, talk to some friends in advance. Find out who you can call in an emergency.
Once the precious baby comes many will want to come and visit. Use your best judgement. Limit visitors to those who will help and encourage your support plan. Others? Encourage them to wait a few days or a few weeks.
Steve was essential in this. He would often kindly and graciously thank people for wanting to visit, but encourage them that I needed to rest. Its important to know what the focus of the support should be. For me one issue we were all very concerned about was postpartum depression, so having friends visit to raise my spirits was great.
Steve knew what was important to me and what we needed. We had a good friend a few months before Ethan came bring up issues that might arise with too many visitors. That conversation helped us start the conversation in advance so Steve knew what I wanted even when I was too tired to make decisions.
Without our trust in the Lord we would not have made it through. Even now when Ethan has a bad night and does not sleep as much, the Lord reminds us of our need for Him that never changes. Circumstances change, but our need for Him is always there.
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