Greatest Lesson of Motherhood

We all make mistakes.  We all speak, think, and do things we are embarrassed about or were not a part of us.  We are all sinners in need of savior.  A fact which has become more clear each day of motherhood.  Since becoming a mom it seems the list of "things to work on" has grown (or maybe its not that I do more wrong, just that I am more aware of it).  There is now a whole new area of my life in which I can make mistakes, and a new person it affects.

The first few months of Ethan's life really are a blur to me.. a mix of depression, happiness, sleep deprivation  hormones gone crazy, and life changing months.. (strange that something so life changing in hindsight is so hard to remember).

The happiness and lack of sleep are things I have covered in depth on the blog.  For a moment, as I reflect back on this past year, I want to share a bit of my story which isn't so pretty and so neatly packaged.  It has a bit more reality and little less neatness.  Life is messy.  Life is hard.  Life is challenging.  In those moments I become increasingly aware of the areas I fall short, and with that am reminded ever more of my need for Christ in my life.

In the early weeks of Ethan's life I had many nights when I would cry for no reason, be angry over something insignificant (though at the time it was my world.. ).. as the weeks passed the hormone craziness got less, but the overall depression got worse.  Part of me hesitates to call it "depression".. I was still eating, sleeping, and functioning (as much as a new mom can).  But when a friend came over and asked me, "Jen, when was the last time you left the house?" I knew I was in deep.. at that time Ethan was about 7 weeks old and we had taken to spending a lot of time on the couch.. in all honestly I think for about a week I only left the couch to do basic things (and at that time I still wasn't showering everyday).  That was my "low" point.. I felt trapped.. that if I didn't make a change I might still be living on that couch when Ethan was year.  (In my mind I knew eventually things would change.. but in my heart I knew I had to start that change).  It started small.. leaving the house with Ethan but without my husband.  At the time this was a huge deal for me.. I had somehow managed to go 7 weeks without doing this.

Looking back I know that it was not me who "made the change".  It was the Lord working through those around me to encourage me.  Even in my low points He never stopped pursing me.  Do I consistently pursue God? Definitely No.. Does he consistently pursue me? Absolutely Yes.  Even when I feel far from Him, or I have made mistakes, or I have intentionally distanced myself from Him.. He is faithful and He continues to pursue me.  What grace He has shown to me.

One person He used over and over and over was my husband, Steve.  He continually preached the Gospel to me.. even at 3am or 4am or 5am.. when he had a long work day coming (and I would be napping with the baby) Steve would get up and encourage me.. through prayer, reading of God's word, or just making sure I was okay.  He also pushed me to stay connected to friends (and not just in "virtual" online world, but through in person spending time together).  He knew that I needed support from others, even if I didn't.  Looking back, it was God working through Steve.

As we approach Thanksgiving.. I am ever thankful for Salvation through Christ whose love covers a multitude of sins, and for a God who continues to pursue me everyday.

1st Birthday - Lynchburg

Its taken two weeks but I am finally ready to blog Ethan's first birthday party in Lynchburg..

Location: Our church old fellowship hall which also has an indoor small play area for young kids plus the youth room which has a nice area to put the food.

People: Friends from church and their children.

Theme: Football!!

We decided to have the party start at 11am.. we arrived at the church around 930 to begin set up which took the whole hour and half.  Our friend Nancy Williams came to help us (mostly help with Ethan)

Here she is with him shortly after we finished setup..



Food Area



Cake and Presents

Ethan playing with Parker

Steve taking a moment to relax.. it was just for a quick moment.. he worked very hard before, during, and after the party.

First we ate, then we opened presents (we being Jen with Ethan near by but not very interested).. we got several great toys including puzzles and books!

Nancy made Ethan a hat.. here is he modeling it.. he loves being the center of attention.

We order the cake from Chestnut Hill Bakery.. I told them football was the theme and this is what I got! LOVED it.. and it tasted very good.

We did smash "peice" instead of his own cake.. easier clean up for mom and dad..

Overall it was great Saturday celebrating Ethan and his first year of life.. can not believe how far we have come and how much the Lord has blessed us this past year. 

Blocks

 

This video is from October 31st.. Ethan learned to stack his cups that day.. he does it so well now, but this is him in discovery mode (which I LOVE).. you also see that pride coming through as he looks for praise and gets excited by what he has learned.

1 Year 11.4.12

His birthday was last week.. I've just been blog lazy..

 

Forgot to get my real camera out the actual day of Ethan's birthday.. so here are some quick shots I took at the dinner table with the Ipad.. So these were taken on 11.4.12.. 366 days old (leap year).. 366 nights of waking/feeding/changing.. (he has only slept through the night off and on.. never consistently) and 366 days of nursing (we made it a whole year with zero formula.. which was a major goal of mine).. 366 days of love filled mornings.. wouldn't trade a single one.. 

 

We are blessed to have Ethan in our lives and we thank God each day for the health He has given us.  We pray that someday the Holy Spirit would work in Ethan's heart that he would understand his need for a Savior and accept the sacrifice made for him on the cross.

 

What a joy and a blessing it is on my heart to have God mold and shape me through this calling of motherhood.

 

 

Haircut

Before meet After

 

 

Ethan had a little extra hair in the back.. so we decided it was time to get it cut off!  I had a haircut for me and convinced my stylist to give him a trim in the back.  They had a kid sized wrap they put around him and she sprayed a little water on his head and cut it with scissors and then even used the razor for the very bottom.  He sat on my lap and only cried for a second at the very end.  Now he looks like such a little boy from behind :(  

 

 

(Photo from Ipad)

 



Hampton Fun

In late October we went home to Hampton for Ethan's Birthday.. we were blessed to be able to spend a few extra days there and Ethan had fun playing and eating at both grandparent's houses. 

 

This is at Steve's parents house.. of course, he needs every toy.. he loves playing at his grandparents.

 

 

At my parent's house my mom made us blueberry pancakes one morning.. Ethan LOVED them!

Break over.. back to life!

"And now back to our regularly scheduled program, already in progress"

That about sums up my life for the last 3 to 4 weeks.. wow, what a crazy, exhausting, busy, and overwhelming month it has been.  We've had many ups and downs and many milestones reached.  Time is flying!

On October 20th we took Ethan to his first apple festival.. he LOVED it!

On October 27th we celebrated his 1st Birthday in Hampton, VA with family and friends.

On November 3rd we celebrated his 1st Birthday in Lynchburg, VA with friends.

On November 10th we attended a 1st Birthday party for another boy at church and a baby shower!

Mixed in there we had a few sicknesses, a first haircut, new foods, and other random daily things.

I have a ton of pictures and stories to share from things that have happened so I will probably do several blog posts over the next week to help recap some exciting times!